2 Samuel 13.
This chapter is about Amnon the firstborn of David and heir apparent who rapes Tamar, his virgin half-sister. Amnon’s crafty cousin, Jonadab advised him to feign sickness and get permission from King David to send Tamar, the full-sister of Absalom, to serve him. When Tamar does arrive, he commands all the servants to leave his room and forces himself on her. She refuses and offers wisdom that he could get permission to marry her. But he overpowers her and violates her. Afterwards, he is filled with hatred and throws her out bolting his door on her. Her brother Absalom gives her refuge, but neither David nor Absalom confront Amnon nor take any action against him. David was angry and Absalom hated Amnon for what he had done. This is reminiscent of Reuben, who forced himself on Bilhah, his stepmother, and lost his birthright as the firstborn of Jacob. (Genesis 35:22; 1 Chronicle 5:1).
In 2 Samuel chapter 11, we read of David forcing himself on Bathsheba and getting her husband Uriah killed at war. She came to the palace to become one of his wives and had a baby boy who soon died. The last line reads,” But the Lord was displeased with what David had done.”
In 2 Samuel chapter 12, the prophet of the Lord, Nathan confronts David about his scheming. We discover that nothing goes unnoticed by ADONAI. To our surprise, David confesses his guilt and is forgiven. (Psalm 51). Yet the result was that his family would live by the sword. His household would rebel against him and his wives would be raped in front of all Israel. David’s actions showed his utter contempt for the Word of ADONAI and that he despised it. (That is how ADONAI reads our disobedience and craftiness). In the following chapters, we see Nathan’s prophecy fulfilled. The first ten chapters of this book narrate David’s rise and the later chapters, his downfall.
David did not discipline his firstborn son for raping Tamar and bringing great disgrace to his family, daughter, and nation, likely because he had set a bad example for his sons. Since David had permitted Tamar to come and serve Amnon in his room, David was complicit in the crime, though he was ignorant of the premeditation. Amnon, son of Ahinoam, set the ball rolling for chaos in David’s family. No sin is without consequences. Two years later Absalom kills him at the sheep shearing event in revenge for what he did to Tamar. Absalom went into exile, eventually leading to his rebellion and claim to the throne. He is not unlike Amnon when he goes on to rape his father’s concubines in a tent on top of the palace so that all could see, at the advice of his council. Then he leads a battle against his father only to die tragically, hanging on a tree by his long hair.
The Bible does not hide the evil happenings of God’s people. David’s family was no exception, even though he was the king of all Israel at the time. When we come across tragic chapters like this, we should learn life lessons from it.
The other two women in the Bible who are raped are Dinah the daughter of Jacob by Shechem (Genesis 34), and the gruesome account of the gangrape of the concubine at Gibeah (Judges 19). The Bible does not justify these heinous happenings. It is some comfort, especially for women who have suffered rape that the Bible condemns it because it goes against ELOHIM’S design, plan, and purpose (Duet 22:13-29). Like prostitution, where women are trapped in a place they never wanted to be and cannot leave because they have no skill for earning, no confidence, respect, or roof over their heads. They have been kidnapped and exploited and often have never known a better life. They cannot return because of the shame of their profession and because their families cannot take them back. They need to put food on their plates and this earns them something. But when they are rescued and rehabilitated, they relish the freedom of living with an honorable means of income and the meaning of family.
AMNON (which means faithful in Hebrew) proved to be otherwise. The Torah requires the perpetrator to marry the victim by paying the father fifty shekels if he agrees and never divorce her. Deut 22:28-29. Otherwise, the punishment for this crime is the death penalty by stoning. Deut 22:25. But here Amnon appears to be the typical bully taking undue advantage of Tamar. After raping her, he threw her out of his room and bolted the door on her, revealing the truth obvious from the beginning that he did not love her at all. Instead, to him, she was like a use-and-throw, disposable sexual toy. He adds insult to injury, passing his guilt to her while never apologizing or repenting, to the extent of normalizing the situation with his family as if nothing had happened. Since David did not discipline or punish him, he felt he could get away without consequences. How foolish. Tamar’s brother exacted revenge in 2 years by killing him, whereas he could have become a mighty warrior in his father’s army. It would have kept him busy with more important and noble things, rather than scheming to do evil within his family.
JONADAB
Was the son of Shimea, David’s brother and Amnon’s cousin. His advice was just what Amnon wanted to hear to satisfy his physical desires. He is the evil man within the inner circle. If he had not given his evil advice to Amnon, maybe nothing would have happened. He could have given Amnon good advice instead, to forget about her and get involved in arms training for war, or sports, or even warn him what could happen in case he hurt Tamar. In our lives, it is important to recognize the serpent, and its deception and to resist it forcefully. Discernment is given by the Holy Spirit and it helps us distinguish between good and evil.
TAMAR (THE FRUITFUL PALM)
She was a beautiful virgin and wore the long royal robes of a princess. She refuses to give in and offers Amnon better options to save herself. Hers is the only voice of resistance against rape in the Bible and it resonates loudly. It is sad because this is how rape occurs. Vulnerable and innocent youngsters find themselves in situations where they cannot defend themselves and become victims of violence. She was left desolate to mourn her lost virginity and never marry. A rape survivor suffers from soul pain besides physical pain. They need medical treatment, counseling, justice, protection, and professional help to overcome and move on from the event. It is no easy feat. There was none for Tamar, as Amnon walked about freely as if nothing had happened. When the perpetrator is not punished, the exploitation of the victim continues. After Amnon was killed, maybe she had some sense of relief and peace, that she was now safe. She would have to forgive Amnon to move away from her pain and to be at peace.
When Absalom rebelled against his father David, David fled from the palace to cross the river Jordan and gather an army. It is likely that Tamar remained in Absalom’s house and did not go with the King. In the war, Absalom got caught by his hair in a tree and was killed by Joab and his men. Tamar was more affected by his death than David. She lost her brother, who gave her refuge and protection.
LESSONS TO LEARN
Certainly. Amnon, Jonadab, and Absalom are not men to imitate or follow. They don’t inspire us. There is no mention that they followed after YHWH like David did. They were quick to go down the path of destruction with no return. We learn everything we should not do from these young men because their actions were not without recompense. If there is anything to walk away with, it is to teach our community or neighborhood that rape is wrong. Men should be trained to respect women as they would their mothers, sisters, or relatives. These moral values build a stronger nation.
On the other hand, the beautiful Tamar was also a wise girl and did her best to resist the attack. She was there because her father called her to minister to Amnon and both were caught off guard. 90 percent of the perpetrators are people whom we trust and love within our family and friends. That is what is so heartbreaking. A friend told me how when she was twelve years old, her father’s friend who was a frequent visitor at her home, came into her room and molested her. He continued to visit often and victimize her. She became frightened and depressed. She could not confide in anyone because she knew her father loved and respected this man. But for her, it was a nightmare.
Like Tamar, every girl and woman should resist the perpetrator, scream, call for help, and get out by hook or by crook. But sadly, this is unfortunately not the case. Every girl and woman has experienced physical threats for being who we are and it is frightening. Therefore, preparedness matters. We must prepare our girls and women, firstly with knowing / knowledge, and defense training. We must also rehabilitate survivors with skills and courage. It is not the end of the world, it is not her fault and she need not carry this burden lifelong. She should be set free to courageously build her life again.
Such chapters in the Bible are for our learning, to make us wise, and to keep us out of harm’s way. If only we had known.
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